We've all been there. One minute, you're sprawled out on your bed, minding our own business, and the next, you're lying in the back seat of your best friend's car as she races you to the ER. And not the closest one either. No. You're headed to the one 50 miles farther out, because the one five minutes away is where you start your residency next week.

So there you are, lying in cubicle nine, hoping like hell that the doctor about to examine you isn't young, sexy, or male. Of course, he's all three. Telling him about the clitmaster7000 I have lodged inside me is by far the single most embarrassing moment of my life. Discovering he's my brother's new roommate is even worse.

Contains mature themes.